In the book “Hannah’s Hope” by Jennifer Saake chapter three is titled, “Is God Punishing Me?” I think this thought occurs to all of us. It is the human need to know “why”. Sometimes in life there are direct correlations (if I don’t water my plant it will die) Other times there is not ( I can take good care of my plant and it can still die from disease).
With infertility you may be feeling the same way. Either you think there is something you did that you are being punished for (related to your physical ability to carry a child or totally unrelated). Or you may be feeling that you have done everything right and don’t deserve this “punishment.” The author writes:
“To say that all people who lose lives, loved ones, or possessions in disasters such as fires, floods, and earthquakes are being judged by God is ridiculous, yet when fertility challenges hit home, the first answer we seek is where to place the blame.”
She goes on to say,
“If you have confessed your sins to God and accepted His freely offered forgiveness, He has become your Father and you are His child. As your perfect, loving, just Daddy, He does not desire to cause you to suffer.”
As the saying goes, sometimes bad things happen to good people. That is hard to understand and we may not understand that in this life. But God uses trials to teach us, to draw us closer to Him, to remind us He has a bigger plan in place. If you think about the people you respect the most, either close friends or public figures, often they have gone through some struggle and handled it with grace, humbling them and making them a great inspiration to the rest of us. That example can change lives. You can change lives. You never know who is aware of your situation and who may be drawn to Christ based on how you handle your infertility journey (this does not mean you can’t have a complete melt down every now and again!! God knows how hard this is.)
At the end of the chapter, Jennifer reminds us not to fall victim to “pre-guilt” either. She said one of her fears was “that God wasn’t allowing me to become a mother because He knew ahead of time I wouldn’t do a good job at it.” This is often fueled by cruel comments like “Maybe God is trying to tell you that motherhood isn’t meant for you. Let it go and move on.” Just dismiss those comments, just dismiss those thoughts. Don’t let guilt get the best of you.
Take charge of your thoughts and feelings. This is the verse I repeat to myself when my thoughts go down an unproductive road:
“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever s lovely, whatever is admirable-think about such things.” Philippians 4:8