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The Thursday Thinker: Who to Tell?

Who have you shared your infertility struggles with?  Has it been helpful or meddlesome?  Do you feel others won’t understand?  Have you found someone who has been really supportive?

-Cindy

6 comments

  1. The most supportive friends have been the ones who have been through it, or aren’t even close to wanting children yet. Strange, I know. We haven’t told my family because they like to think they know how to fix everything. Not in a bad way, in a loving way, but it’s still unnecessary “help.”
    I truly only have one person who is out of her mind crazy and says the craziest things, but she’s like that with everything so I should have seen it coming. 😉

    • I’ve heard a lot of people don’t tell their families. If it is going to be an added stressor I agree that you shouldn’t share with them. When I found a couple friends that were also struggling to have another baby it was so nice to be able to talk to them. They understood. Thank you for sharing! Sometimes “crazy” friends can help lighten the mood!

  2. Great Question! At first I didn’t talk about it with anyone, but I always felt so alone, unhappy, and completely depressed. I needed someone to talk to but knew no one would understand and I didn’t want their unnecessary advise/ comments. In one of the many books I read about surviving infertility, the author talks about being open about your infertility and how it helped her so I decided to be more open about it. Now everyone knows my story even people I meet for the first time (if we somehow get on the topic). Openning up about everything definately has its pros and cons, but it has truely helped me stay sane. Some of the pros about being vocal about infertility have been: I have found the greatest support system, Other friends struggling with infertility became comfortable about openning up to me for support and advise, I have gainned some of the greatest friendships, and Some family and friends have taken the time to understand my situation and know the best advise is no advise but they are always there to listen. Some of the cons are: I lost a lot of friends (They act like I have some contagious disease or they just completely forget how to have a normal conversation with me), Some family and friends are way to old fashioned and religious that they completely belittle me for seeking infertility treatment, No matter what I tell people or how many times I tell them they still continue to tell me to relax and it will happen and if its meant to be it will be and then they continue to tell me how their one friend miraculously became pregnant after they gave up trying, and some people have become completely obsessed with my journey that it is the only thing they every want to talk to me about and they completely stalk my life.

    • There definately are pros and cons as you have mentioned. Sounds very familiar. One thing I found helpful was to draw a circle and write the names of the people that were a part of my support system inside. Those who just didn’t take the time to understand or who were insensitve I wrote outside the circle. In general I could take any comments from those folks and just shake it off. If I needed support or had sensitive issues to discuss I would only share with the people inside the circle. New people I could decide where they belonged and add them to the drawing. That way I didn’t have to defend every comment/question from every person. I could just let the bad stuff go and focus on the help from those who were helpful. Thank you for sharing!

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