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Resolve to Know More…101 Ways to Have a Baby

Resolve to Know More…101 Ways to Have a Baby

Slide_two_990x550“This is our oldest son, Joey, I gave birth to him…” I begin to introduce my children to the curious lady at the check-out lane.  She furrows her eyebrows as if this is an oxymoron.  “This is Josh and Johnny, they joined our family through adoption.  They were born in Ukraine, they’re the same age but not biological brothers.  We brought them home when they were 16 months old.”  I wrap my arm around my oldest daughter’s shoulder, bringing her forward, “This is Lexi, she joined our family through adoption as well, but we brought her home from the hospital a few days after she was born.  She has an open adoption so we have an ongoing relationship with her birth mom.”  The two youngest girls hanging on the side of the cart look up waiting to be acknowledged.  “This is Cassie and Callie, they’re twins!  Twins do run in our family but we had to do IVF and have a gestational carrier (or surrogate) carry them.  They were born really premature but are doing well now.”2014-niaw-image

Probably TMI for a check-out lane inquiry but it’s the truth.  I have become a mom by giving birth (3 times but we lost 2 of our sons), adopting internationally, adopting domestically and by doing IVF with a gestational carrier.  There really are many ways to become a parent (OK…maybe not quite 101).

When my husband and I began our journey to build our family we had no idea about all the options.  When we ran into infertility issues due to my biocrnuate uterus and incompetent cervix things changed.  Over the course of a few years we had to learn about how to deal with our infertility and how to change what our idea of becoming a parent meant.  After attending a Resolve conference I learned I had to:

1.  Grieve the loss of the dream family/child

2.  Change the dream

3.  Learn about all the options and carefully consider your next step with your partner, respect each other’s considerations

4.  Get support!!  Find a Resolve support group in your area and talk to those who have been on this journey

For more information check-out these links:

Infertility 101

National Infertility Awareness Week 2014

Our family has come together in a very unique way.  It’s not all Rainbows and Butterflies all the time, but all the ways we became parents are “real” ways to grow your family.  Educate yourself and let yourself explore other ideas.

In reality, at the check-out lane, or wherever you are, introductions will simply become, “These are my children!”

-Cindy Rasmussen

Midwest Resolve Peer Support Group Co-Coordinator



  1. WOW what an incredible path to parenthood you and your husband have had to walk. I am expecting my daughter in June via gestational carrier and if we want to have a sibling we will pick up where we left off with our adoption pursuits. we fundraised and prayed and saved to make this happen so I can not imagine how much you have had to pay in order to build your family. It is so sad that the costs are so high.

    • Congratulations on your pregnancy and upcoming birth! This must be an exciting time. Enjoy it all! The costs of all of our options were so high, as you know. We had to wait years after our adoptions in order to save enough for our last IVF transfer with our carrier. The costs are so prohibitive but we looked at it as spreading it out over a number of years and living very frugally. I’ll be praying for your daughter’s safe arrival and for a blessing of a sibling in the future!

  2. LOVE this post! I found your blog on RESOLVE and I’m so glad I did! I laughed, I teared up (due partly to the Lupron I’m injecting right now HA!) and was completely inspired! Thank you for speaking out about the different ways to have a family and showing us that yes, it can be done!
    You are an inspiration and I thank you for sharing your story!!!

    • Gotta love the Lupron! There were so many times I wanted to give up, so reading about other’s who had made it to “the other side” was encouraging to me. RESOLVE was one of the few places where I found people who REALLY understood what I was going through. Keep pressing on!

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